Post-travel log

When I started this blog, I had it in mind to only post when I had a substantial body of thought running through my head, instead of just trying to come up with things that I could post for... well, the sake of posting. That idea nauseated me a bit. Rather, this was supposed to be more of a record keeping endeavour, a storage facility for a small bit of the endless crap that goes through my head. Well, I haven't updated in over a month, not because I haven't had any substantial pieces of thought come up, but quite the contrary. This last month has been chalk full of stuff. I just didn't know where to start and I'm still not sure I do. But, we'll try, won't we.

I went for a walk with my friend Rob at the beginning of the month, which is always good for my mental health. He's a great sounding board for when I need to hash shit out, out loud. We talked about the ideas I have about truth and how it's linked to people and their lives. I re-established that I firmly sit in the position that only the truth makes people really happy. As in, deeply happy... in their core. The kind of happy that you can be even when everything is falling apart around you. I also have this crazy idea that everyone, wherever possible, should have that kind of happy in their lives... maybe that's a little too unrealistic, but I haven't established that yet, so I'm just going to keep on believing it. Anyhow, to expand:

I really do believe there is a truth that exists independently from our own thoughts. I believe that our unique ability to think the way we do enables us to completely lose sight of it, as well. This is not to say that I believe the truth is some external, static, objective entity, no. Again, quite the opposite, and that's what makes it so very tricky. The truth is personal and very NON-static. It's always shifting, always in flux, like most things. As humans in our present, we have this extreme desire for stability and security though, and our thoughts are built around achieving these kinds of aims. We think that stability and security in a happy place can guarantee that happiness stays with us, but it rarely works that way, no? We change. What makes us happy changes. The only way to stay happy is to be honest about that. I may deal with the string of implications surrounding that in a later post, but not tonight, I've got work in the morning.

It's also occurred to me recently that I pretty much suck at being truly by myself lately. Rather, I have trouble enjoying myself, just in and of myself. I spend over 90% of my time thinking about other people in some way, shape or form, and only in a minority of those times are the people in question sitting in front of me. The result is... I'm often off someplace else in any given moment, and in an odd way, I neglect a lot. Get a little run down, forget to slow up and recharge... so I've tried to engage in activities that I can't really 'share' with other people, and still enjoy them, dammit. I have a bit of an obsession with sharing everything with at least someone, all the time, and while that's not necessarily bad, I gotta balance it out, I know. So, I've picked up some of the Dark Tower series by Stephen King... damn those books are awesome. So good. Also: Strawberries. I am going to eat more strawberries.

As of right now, anyway, I know very, very few people read this, but for my own posterity, I want to say thank you to a lot of you out there. Even if you don't read it, I hope you'll sense it on some level, anyhow. If I can learn to enjoy myself half as much as I enjoy you, being part of your lives, I'll be very well off.

There are a hundred more things that have happened that could easily warrant writing about, but we'll see if and when it comes to that. Carpe diem, we'll see you out there.