An amazing word. An even better phenomenon to witness. And the best thing, I think, to help create.
flour⋅ish v. intr.
- To grow well or luxuriantly; thrive; to be in its or in one's prime.
Not by any means the only definitions, but very relevant to what I want to talk about here.
Flourishing is what's done when our environments are ideally suited to our growth. Secure, safe, certain. Loved. And most importantly, awareness of all of these things.
Wherever I don't see these things, and an opportunity to do so, I feel compelled to try and help give them rise.
I don't think this is an end product. I think it is a sometimes here, sometimes not state like anything else. As the circumstances of our lives and who we are shifts, we lose certainty and confidence. We have to re-examine what environments are best for the new growths we undertake.
I
do see the
state of flourishing as producing something, though. Strong, independent people. The kinds of folk who can weather things, and give shelter to others. The important thing to realize, I think, is that independence is gained through dependence. There is a fine line here, of course, one that risks the latter never turning into the former, but that is the risk we must take (but be aware of).
I liken the process towards flourishing to the process of learning how to ride a bicycle.
At first, you have no balance on your own. You're unaware of just how good, how capable you are. So, there are helping, loving hands holding you up (mom, dad, family and friends of all sorts). They inform you of these important facts. They let you know what it feels like to ride.
You pedal. You act amidst the stability and confidence they've said you deserve. One hand of theirs comes off the handlebars and they stop pushing, but they firmly hold you upright with the other. You start going your own way, and they follow behind.
Their grip loosens. They see if your self confidence will move you into balanced motion, but the moment it falters, they tighten their grip again, reminding you of the feeling. You experience what its like to exist without tethers, the exhilaration and the fear, but really, the tethers are still right there. The second your fear sends you off course, hands are there to remind you that there's no need to fear.
Finally, both hands come off. You navigate on your own. You may fall, but you repeat the process until you know what it means to be who you are, and the only thing you need is an occasional vote of confidence shouted from behind you as you go.
Then the people those hands belong to don't even need to be present when you ride. But you're able to choose how and where you ride because you have a foundation: your familiarity with balance, with your ideal self, was built step by step, by experiences and information bestowed to you from others.
Sometimes, you can crash. Sometimes something hits you hard, you lose your balance - you fall. But you remember what was true before - you're an amazing, capable person. You know this. So, you go again, having learned from your trial.
Now, sometimes the trial is significant. Sometimes you get hit
so hard you're not sure if you even want to get up and try to ride again - not sure you
should, not sure you
can. You feel anything but strong and independent.
But in these kinds of cases, the catch is the world has come to expect your presence in certain places - places you used to ride to. They expect you to be things you once were. They expect to see that strong, confident face.
Now, you can fake it, but you'll wear yourself out. It's dishonest, and living outside your truth is exhausting. It's times like this where you need to bite the bullet, and re-learn how to ride your bicycle. Find those loving hands and ask them to hold you up again. That's what family and friends are for - to remind you of what it feels like to stand, even if you can't do it yourself just then. Trying to stand by yourself on broken legs isn't doing
anyone a favor - you just end up keeping yourself down longer. You keep yourself from your ideal environment, and you keep yourself away from the people who you would find there.
And you deserve that environment. You deserve to flourish there. And people deserve to see the example of a flourishing human being that you provide. But it's not an endgame - it's a process, and one that repeats itself constantly. Your ideal environment is never going to be quite the same at two different points in your life. You deserve to flourish, and so you deserve to crash, and to be loved, patiently, on your way back up to your new truths. Anyone who needs you in a static state has no vision of the big picture.
Love the process, wherever it winds. It is the only path on which we can flourish.
